I just realized something. I'm fat as hell! Not just regular fat, I'm fat than a motherfucker! I'm as fat as the people I make fun of in my blog from time to time. How in the hell did this happen? It's not like I didn't know, I was just in serious denial. The thing that shocked me awake was my icon. I guess I never really looked at it before. But now that I have I wish I hadn't.

I've known for a while that I was a tub o lard. But people around me always enabled me. They tell me shit like, "no way you're 369 pounds.", and "You don't look all sloppy like other fat dudes.". Thanks you fucking pricks.

I love me some white women. Especially young tight bodied white women. But it's been ever increasingly harder to get these types of women. Before, all I had to do was appear on the scene, smile a little and it was on. Now I have to make conversation and buy them shit or sing a little. Little women arean't into motherfuckers 3 times their own weight. At all. So unless they get to know you, you don't have a chance.

That's not the worst part of it. The worst part is this. I haven't seen my dick in ages. I was a slow gradual thing, I would see less and less of it. But now it's gone. I don't have the biggest dick in the world, it's below average. Well below average. But it's wide. It's like a tunafish can. It might not hit the bottom, but you'll know it's in ya! I hear that when I start to exercise, my dick will get bigger again. That's right, again. It used to be pretty impressive. Now it's just a shadow of it's former glory. It hides most of the time. It's sad. Guess I'll have to do something about that.

Oh well. Enough about that. I wake up with crazy shit on my mind. I'm going back to bed. See you later.

The strangest thing happened yesterday/today. I applied for a job and actually got it! I walked in full of piss and vinegar, ready for the slightest sign of rejection. To my surprise, it never came. I was still skeptical. Even though I am one of the nicest people you'll come across, I'm still 5'10", 360lbs. Let's just say that when I'm not careful about it, I can be pretty intimidating. Thinking that I better show these people that I really want the job, I threw myself into it. I got everything I had to do done, and went in the very next day. Early! I guess it worked. I got a call on my way to my everyday grind saying that I had the job and could start the next day. Wow. It gets better. It seems that they couldn't wait until the next day. They called me a few hours after that and asked if I could start then! Of course I did. (with a little help from Ashley) I was bitching about my job in my last post. Maybe the blog Gods decided to throw a little sunshine on a brother. Either way, I'm thankful.

But since this is a blog, and what is a blog if it isn't interesting?, check this out.

I was on the clock when they asked me to work for them! I knew the money was better with the new people, so I asked Ashley if she would cover for me. Luckily, she did. Thank God for GPS navigation. They called me and asked me to go somewhere I've never been to pick up who knows what and bring it somewhere really far. "No problem." I intended to use my current bosses car to do the delivery. Only one problem. He was coming into work that night. WTF? This won't do. I have to have Ashley's car. No problem, she'll let me use it, but she's not around. Furthermore, her cigarette lighter doesn't work, meaning my GPS won't work either. Shit! Keeping my cool, I call my local installer Jason, (www.AJ'S Car Audio.com) and ask him if he could squeeze me in before I get on the road. "Sure, I've only got like 12 remote starts to do for people that are actually going to pay me. But you can have another favor for free right now." (smug bastard) Thanks man. He does the job, I'm on the road, everything is good. It doesn't matter if I've been somewhere or not. GPS don't lie! I haven't done this kind of work in 4 years or so, and I've never been to this place, and don't know how to get in or who to talk to. But it's all good. I finally manage to find what I'm looking for, and bounce. I drive the 40 or so minutes to where I'm going, and would you believe the people aren't home? WTF? I go to the back yard and scare Bambi and his Family. (it was funny, we were all running like bitches) Now I'm pissed. I'm in the fucking woods and these people aren't even home. And I'm about to be eaten by rabid deer. It gets no better. Now I have to take this delivery home and try to get it to them tomorrow morning.

Sure, I'll get paid twice for it, but that's not the point. The point is, the Blog Gods have a sence of humor. Sure, they hooked me up, but they had their fun with me too. It's all good. I'm going to ride this wave for as long as I can. The money is good, and I need it more than a fiend needs crack! So I'll be doing my thing in a different place at different times. I just don't know if I should give my boss a 3 week notice, or a 3 minute notice. We'll see. Holla!

I got way off topic last post. There was so much more I wanted to say. But alas, I was in a good mood and couldn't tap into the hate that allows me to create my wonderous works.

THE GOOD MOOD IS OVER

I live fairly well. I'm far from rich. I live with my sweetheart and a roomie to make ends meet. And even though we all work, it's still a bitch. We live check to check, month to month. It really sucks. But it's better than giving up and becoming a ghetto dweller.

What does pussy have to do with this? I'll tell you.

I currently work about 54 hours a week at a dead end job. I gross somewhere in the area of 400 dollars a week. After taxes and child support, I net less than 200. Why? Pussy!

My son's mother up until recently hasn't worked in the past 2 years. Yet she somehow manages to support two children, two pets, several fish, a dead beat boyfriend, an 800 dollar rent, and an SUV! To her credit, she does sell lots of weed. But could she really be doing that well? And if she is, why hasn't she gotten caught? Is it possible that a girl who couldn't make it past the ninth grade is smarter than the whole police force? Who checks up on these things? How do you get an apartment with no income verification? Why is it that the state will give her money and expect me to pay it back? PUSSY! If you're in CT and you have one, you can have the world! Don't believe me, ask around.

There are so many programs out there for single moms. They can get anything from heat assistance, to rent assistance, to free turkeys at Thanksgiving, to free toys at Christmas. It's pathetic. And if your mother was on the state, welfare, or whatever it's called where you live, it's even easier. It's almost as if the state encourages these girls to get hooked up. Why should their rent be 86 dollars or less just because they have a baby? Why shouldn't they be forced to get jobs? I hear that when the state assistance runs out, all they have to do is get pregnant again to start things all over again. Sad, but probably true.

I work for everything I get. It makes me sick to see them on the first through fifteenth in the store buying lobster and steak and shit. Their kids have on name brand shit I can't afford to buy my son. I'm rocking my Payless Jumpman's for the 9th consecutive month, and they have 9 pair of Jordan's! What is this? I rock a 91 Honda Civic, and an 86 Mazda B2000. They've got Escalades, and Lexus's, and motorcycles and shit. And what did they do for it? Sit on their collective asses perpetuating the cycle of welfare. It makes me sick.

If you don't believe me, roll through your local hood, and look around. Check out all the big screens, and the rims, and the rides they've got. Then holla back at your boy. The power of pussy is disgusting.

If you don't know, I'm damned sure going to tell you! It's not like it's a big secret or anything. That thing is PUSSY! That's right, I said it! Pussy makes the world go round. And I've got proof. But before I get to that, let me go back a ways....

Back in the day, if you liked a girl, you bashed her over the head, and dragged her into your cave. Just like that, she was yours. Why can't we go back to that? No politics. No money wasted. No problem. I don't know about the rest of you, but dammit, I vote we regress that part of our society. Might makes right. If you want it, take it.

But no. It's not that easy anymore. Why? I'll tell you. Somewhere back in time, someone fucked up and told woman that the pussy was worth something. When she asked how much, the same dumb ass told her to find out. And she did. Not all pussy is worth the same. Not that it isn't all good, but there's different levels of worth. It's like driving a car. You've got your BMW 3 series. And you've also got your 5 and 7 series too. They're all good cars, but some are a little better than the others. Pussy is pretty much the same way, but the standards are decided differently.

Let's say you live in the ghetto. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's your reality. As good as your pussy may be to you, most brothers aren't going to be willing to pay that much for it. The average woman will give you some for a good dinner and a movie. Now being that the ghetto is a below average setting, you might have to settle for a Happy Meal and a DVD. Notice I said Happy Meal. That's to keep your bad assed child quiet long enough to give a brother some. Don't get mad. You're in the ghetto for some reason right? Might as well be a child. Shit, no one grows up wanting to live in poverty, like that was their goal and shit!

Suburban pussy may cost a little more. That depends on where in the suburbs you live. If you live close enough to the city, and you can get to shit on your own, you can charge more than the project bunny in the last paragraph, but not too much. You'll probably get a nice dinner, and decent movie. You may even hold out for some jewelery. But don't get a big head. You're still not in the majors yet. A brother with a decent job, at least one that he goes to regularly, could stall you out to try to get the price down. Be careful.

Then there's the high priced pussy. This bitch probably lives way out past the burbs. Maybe next to a golf course or some shit. She's got fly cars in the garage. Expensive clothes. Expensive taste. You know, all that shit. This pussy is going to run you some dough. You're not about to run up to her crib in your Honda Civic and think you're putting your mack down. It's not going to happen. Not even if your shit is up to date. You're in the land of the Audi. The Benzino. If you want the pussy, you're going to have to be prepared to pay for that shit. I hear that some place in Florida is paying big money for good testicles. Look into it. You've got two, you don't need both of them do you?

Fuck all that. Let's bring shit back to the good ole days. Back when dick was running shit. I've learned some shit lately. Women want the dick as much as we want the pussy. They just hide the shit better. Fellas, I want you to perform a simple test. It won't hurt, I promise. This is what you do. Get your shit right. By that I mean, start from the top of you and work to the bottom. Comb your hair. Scrape your fangs. Wash your ass. Trim your nails. Do all the shit your girl wants you to do without her telling you to do it. This is going to make her want you in ways you can't even imagine. The pussy is getting hot now. Go to your job. While you're there, work! Come home. Clean something. Anything. It won't matter. What she'll see is the effort you've taken to do it. Even if you put shit back wrong, you did something with it. She's going to notice. The pussy is getting moist now. Send her some flowers. Take her to a nice place to eat. Watch the shit that she likes. Bring her out with you when you go places. All this shit works. By now, she's told all her friends about you and how you've changed. The pussy is soaking wet now. And to top it all off, give her a rub down. But when you do it, don't hit it! Do not hit it! This will confuse her. She's ready. She wants to give you some more than ever. Wait. Wait one or two more days. Go into the bathroom and beat your shit. Now you're working with power. It damned near takes an act of Congress for that second nut to come! Now go wear her ass out! You deserve it. And she'll do every naughty thing you've ever wanted her to. Why? Because you finally paid attention to her. She wants to make you happy now. You've taken back control of your universe. But don't let her know you know. You'll fuck it up if you do that. Let it ride. Be easy.

Now ask yourself, what have you changed? Nothing. Pussy still makes the world go round. But the dick is the fucking fuel it runs on. Believe that!

Peace

What's up friends? I've been away for a while. Once again, I have no reason for this. It's not like I don't have anything to say, I just have no motivation. Until now. I checked in to see if anyone had missed me, or had anything to say. To my suprise, someone did. Hetzie, you're the man! I also have inspiration from another source. (the name escapes me at the moment, but you're Canadian) Strangely enough, these two people who have never met had the exact same thing to say. They loved my honesty. I have to applaud that. I do try to keep it honest. And you two people have inspired me to get back in the game. Thanks.