This past weekend was great. I went to the local street races and had a really good time. I didn't race. I don't have a car worthy of it, but I was there, and felt good for it.

I've been formulating a plan over the past few weeks. I would like to design a website for and dedicated to the CT street scene. I have a structure in mind, but nothing done yet. Anyone who has skills in this area, hit me up privately. I know it sounds presumptuous, but I think this could turn out to be a lucrative project for those involved. Not big money, but a little something extra on the side.

To all those with children: Have you ever wanted to kill your child? If not kill, how about choke-slam? I have felt this way! My son, the cute guy in the pictures, made me want to kill him. Lately he has this thing with trying to beat me up. I don't know why. He takes random shots at me and tries to do what he can. I usually put up with this for a while, then quell his attempts to hurt me by tickling him until he has to pee. Something went really wrong this weekend.

He was being his usual self, trying to beat up Daddy. I scooped him up and held him in the air for a while. When I let him down, he began to kick his legs. (any man knows what happens next) He kicked me squarely in the balls. Correction. He kicked me squarely in ONE of my balls! This made him laugh profusely. I called him a few things his mother nor I had ever named him and began to sweat. Minutes later (after my ball dropped) I had a feeling in my stomache that let me know that this wasn't over. I can't describe the rest. It was hideous! It started with gas, then erupted in something worse. I swear by all that is holy, when he's old enough, I"m going to smack him in his little baby nuts with a hammer! I don't know how old he'll have to be, but it's going to happen.

While talking to Ashley today, she finally admitted what I've already known. She doesn't want to see me with anyone else. I feel the same about her. So how is it that two people who feel the same aren't together? I'll tell you why. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT! They want to hold us down. They like to play with our emotions. They are the cruellest inventions ever made. (with the possible exception of the crunch machine at the gym) The problem is this: what's the alternative? While I have nothing against them, I can't be gay. I still believe that somewhere out there, there is a woman for me. I just wish someone would give her a TOM TOM or some other navigation system so she can find me faster.

Here's my personals ad: 32 year old, overweight, low self-esteemed, non-smoking, non-drinking, big hearted, small penis having Male seeking woman 25-42, dark hair preferred, no smoke, no drink, athletic build, children okay. Did I mention small penis?

What woman wouldn't want me. I don't care about race, religion, or any of the usual shit. Just have a fucking job! Why? So we can talk about something other than what was on television that day.
I don't ask for much. My standards are so low, they might as well not even exist.

That's how bad women have beaten me down. I used to think the sun rose and set because of my ass. The ebb and flow of the tide, the changing of the seasons, the way the Earth tilted just so upon it's axis, these were but a few of the things I controlled in my world. Then I became involved with WOMAN. All control vanished. I'm just another low brow, drooling, ball scratching idiot. How does this happen?

Oh well, at least I can console myself with the idea that Terri has Desert Dick!

Sprinkle me Bitch!

Mr. Big

That sprinkling thing has nothing to do with Terri....

I've finally figured out why I'm so disappointed with my writing lately. I haven't been letting MY ideas flow any more. I've been following the herd, doing what everyone else has been doing. Although I happen to like Friday Fun Facts, it's not my thing. My thing has always been, and should always be to say what comes to my mind. I never cared what others thought about it. This was my space to do what I want to do. I'm getting back to that. Now!

First of all, I would like to say that Donuts are my life is crazy as hell! Not crazy like mental institution crazy. More like Mel Brooks' History of the world crazy. Moving on...

I recently posted some crap about car audio. Would you believe that a day later some ass crack in Hartford stole my sweetheart's system from her Honda? I couldn't believe it. I haven't decided if this was some type of Karmic retribution for some shit she'd done, or if she was genuinely just the victim of random hate. Either way, what's done is done. Time to rebuild.

I find lately that I'm horny as hell. Not your average regular man horny either. I'm hornier than a faggot in the boyscouts! It's killing me. I feel like I haven't seen pussy in forever. I"m going nuts. I'm officially starting my own self help group. It's going to be called 3D. Dudes with Desert Dick. My penis hasn't seen moisture in months. I swear to God a good wind would blow it away. And masturbating doesn't help either. Nothing even comes out anymore. It's like powdered milk! I need some help! By the way, no one shakes hands in these meetings!

I'm feeling better now. And to think, I was censoring myself. Why? I am what I am. My readers know this. Why didn't anyone say anything? I tried to be nice, polite, and socially acceptable. But why should I try to be something here that I'm not in reality? (ooh, web reality vs. life's reality) I"m sorry peeps. I shall continue to be your tourguide to debauchery and all things barely legal.

I"m out for now. Keep me in your faves. I'll be back with some more real shit for you. PEACE

Mr. Big

As I sit here in my favorite place (AJ'S CAR AUDIO II), I'm noticing that my hobby of choice (car audio) has gotten quite out of control. I'm witnessing my best friend install 8 15inch subwoofers in a Chevy Blazer. You don't really have to know anything about car audio to realize how loud this is going to be. All you really need to know is math. 8*15=120 Break down inches into feet and you realize that this man has just put 12 feet of music into his vehicle. With about 200 watts going to each subwoofer, this thing should be loud as hell. (NOT) Ashley's truck had 2 15inch subwoofers in her truck splitting 3000 watts. The difference? He spent 800 dollars on his whole set up. Ashley spent 800 dollars on her speakers alone! The kid was really happy until he heard Ashley's truck. Now he's pissed. I don't know why. They're not in the same league. Obviously Ashley is way above what this kid can afford. There was a time when kids understood this. But this kid is stupid. I already know what's going to happen. He's going to be driving his truck around town, being obnoxious. He'll come to a stop sign. As he's showing off his system for whatever hoodrat is in the area, a little red Mazda will show up. The girl in the driver seat will give him a few seonds to stop embarrasing himself. If he doesn't, she'll gradually turn up her system until he can no longer hear his own music in his own vehicle. Believe it or not, it gets that bad. I have personally made the building alarms of a few stores go off with my girl's truck. It's rediculous! What makes it even worse is that the punishment is coming from a girl. Guys find it hard to accept. But if you work hard, do your research, and then spend money, you too can be loud. Until then, if you're coming through Bristol, look out.

Mr. Big

I hope someone has noticed that I've been M.I.A. for a while. My computer has been infected with the dreaded popup.trojan virus. I've got pretty decent computer skills, and some very good programs protecting my computer, and this thing has still got me. So the computer is in the hospital. I'm posting this on someone's computer that I'm fixing at the moment. I hope to be back up and running soon.

I'm glad you all like the new icon. It has a secret! Copy the image and use your photo software to view it. If you look at his stomach area, you'll find a suprise.

I'm out. I'm charging this person for 3 hours. It only took 35 minutes to fix, but they had someone else look at it first and that offended me. So I'll stick it to them in the wallet department.

Everyone be well.

Terri, I'm looking into the sleep thing! Love ya back.

Mr. Big.

I don't remember exactly when, but over the years I've developed a strange compulsion with washing my body. It's not that I'm dirty, I just have to take a shower some times.

It's mostly a night time thing. I have the dreaded sleep apnea thing. It causes me to wake up several times a night. And usually when I wake up, I feel this overpowering urge to take a shower. So I go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, and handle business. On a good night, this happens once or twice. O a bad night I can be found in the shower up to 6 or 7 times!

Oh well, I don't know why, but it is what it is. I'm just returning from a shower now. I guess I'll get back in the bed and try to sleep some more. Longer letter later.

Mr. Big