Today was the best day I've had in a while. When I woke up, I awoke to the most beautiful face facing my face. Ashley came to pay me a visit! I don't know what prompted it. I don't remember asking her to visit. But she was there. She was really there.

When I realized it was her, I tried to sound all cavalier, like it was no big deal. I think I said something stupid like 'good morning'. What an ass I am! I'm trying to be cool while my heart is running one hundred miles a minute. I don't really remember the rest of the dialog, but it turned out that she wanted, or needed a hug. A big hug. I can handle that. I hugged her for what seemed far too long before I let her go. She put my arm under her head and I think she went to sleep.

I don't know when she woke up, but I know I woke up a few times to make sure this wasn't just a dream. It wasn't! The next time I woke up, it was to her leaving. I couldn't even be sad about that. She gave me a hug, kissed me, and told me she loved me! Fuck powerball! This is all I need to be happy! Money couldn't possibly buy what I was feeling.

I stayed in bed for the rest of the day. I wasn't even going to go to work. Then reality hit. Money pays the bills. I'm still holding on to this feeling. I don't know when it will happen again, but I hope it's soon! I'm not getting my hopes up, but GOD I feel good.

I have to give it up to YOU, my blog-buddies. You guys were and continue to be by my side. I'll get back to my regular self soon. Things are getting better in all areas of my life. And I have you to thank. I won't mention names, for you all know who you are. But thanks and much love to all of you.

And thanks to Adam for the new name. I'll have to look through some of my old DareDevils and Spideys for a good tagline to quote. I'm out for now. Be back soon.

Mr. Big

I'm so torn. I have a little red pickup truck that Ashley and I bought one day. It's so cool. I won't go into detail about it, because this post isn't about the truck, but it's definately worth a second look. Ashley has a little white Honda civic. It's nice. But it's about to get a lot nicer.

She's doing an engine swap in it. Now what happens when you put a bigger engine in a small car? You go a lot faster! I can't have that! I can't have her being able to go faster than me. I'm about to buy another truck. I don't plan on any modifications. I'm going to keep it completely stock so I can do my job with it. I do my job with the one I've got, but it's just not made for it. But I want to go fast too. What do I do?

An associate of mine told me about a Honda Del Sol that he's willing to get rid of. The bumpers are falling off on both ends. The interior needs some love. And the engine is making a strange noise. Bumpers can be fixed. Interiors can be replaced. Engines can be swapped out. The car comes with one of two rather potent engines. It could be the one that's going into Ashley's car. Or it could be the one better than that. Either way, I should be right there with her.

Is this wrong? Should I be in competition with a girl. Especially a girl I'm no longer seeing? I don't care! I have to be faster. The car isn't practical for anything else but going fast. It's too small to work with, and it's a two seater. It doesn't even pretend to have a back seat. So much for my children. Why am I so competetitive?

If all goes well, I could end up with the whole ball of wax. If she comes back, we'll be the proud owners of 2 fast cars, one really loud truck, and a work horse. That would be nice. Yeah, that would be really nice.

Mr. BIg

IF you wake up everyday wanting to write, you're a writer. If you wake up everyday and want to dance, you're a dancer. If you wake up everyday and want to sing, you're a singer.

I used to be a singer.

Every thing I did, I did to music. One of the first things I used to do daily was turn on my media player and sing along to one of my 4000+ music files. I know it might seem odd, but I know almost every song I put on this hard drive. To keep it honest, half of them are HERS. But my half... Almost every song means something to me. I've always tried not to associate my music with people. I never wanted to have a song remind me of a specific person or event. For years I was successful. But lately, something has changed.

When I was with Ashley there was nothing in the world that I couldn't do. There was no song I couldn't sing. No note I couldn't hit. Of course I murdered a few hits here and there, but it didn't matter. She never judged me. Even if she didn't, she would pretend to enjoy everything I sang. Every car trip was a concert just for her. She made me feel that confident. Even when I would mess up really badly, when I turned to look at her she would be smiling. It was if the mess up never happened. And because of her encouragement I could go on. Ashley, where were you tonight when I needed you?

Sunday nights are Kareoke (sic) nights for me. Sometimes I sing. Most times I don't. Tonight the whole crew was there. Our crew is about 6 people deep. We generally have a good time. For whatever reason, I didn't want to sing tonight. I wasn't in the mood. When I walked in I stated that. My brother Michael was having none of that. As usual he instigated and kept bothering me until I gave in. I looked through the book and found a song by Brian McKnight. One Last Cry. I wasn't feeling really sure of myself because there are quite a few high notes that I wasn't up to reaching. But I figured what the hell, let's just get it over with.

Usually when I finish I hear clapping and recieve hugs and kisses and general good feelings. There was none of that tonight. Tonight there was crickets! No one said a word. The whole bar was quiet. Heads were hung low. No one would look at me. It was a disaster. I truly sucked. Even the people who can't sing at all were looking at me like I just murdered someone. It was a wrap. It was over. The fat man had sung. I got my coat. Gathered my dignity, and walked out the door.

I don't think I've tried to sing since Ashley left me. My biggest fan is gone. So is my inspiration, my desire, and my courage. Music was my life. Ashley was my song. Without her I have no reason to sing. I don't feel or hear the music in my heart anymore. My soul is songless. I can't carry a tune without her. I hope she comes back to me. And if she does, I hope she brings my music with her.

TheBigOne

After reading what I posted when I got home, I figured that I better put up something that won't get me lynched!


A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes! (how long for you sexy women?) lol

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

The Chinese Ideogram for "trouble" symbolizes two women living under one roof.

One out of every two hundred women is endowed with an extra nipple

The average hurmn eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.

There's my contribution for Friday. Sorry about the last one Ash's Mom. lol

I had to stop using my tagline. It appears that Savanahsmiles is actually the shit. Oh well. I'll come up with something soon.

TheBigOne

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't already told her twice!

That is so wrong.... I don't advocate the beating of women. I love women. My mother's a woman! That helps.

I'm too tired to post at the moment. I went to work yesterday @ 2:39. I just got back to CT @ 9:00 this morning. I'm falling asleep at the computer. I just know they're going to call me soon too. I'm not a machine! (Sex machine is different.) Ladies, don't beat me up too much for this one. I'm not that type. I'll see you all soon,.